by David J. Pollay
p10 - Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me, you'll be happier
HW p11 -i would gain more time. I would not lose time out with friends or myself wasted on the garbage. I would have a more productive life. I would feel better and be more happier more often. I would not have the stress i carry and be able to be a better friend, boyfriend, co-worker, neighbor. I would be able to live more the life i want to live and the life i believe i deserve. Instead of 1 hr a day where i can concentrate on what matters with rest of the time wasted on garbage, i can use 6 hrs a day on the relevant stuff and no time at all on the garbage.
p53 + p54 - in simple terms, displaced aggression boils down to taking out your frustration on someone else; you let a negative event in your life upset you to the point of disproportionately and inappropriately lashing out at someone else at their slightest provocation......a mildly annoying event is perceived as highly aversive and deserving of an aggressive response.
HW, p55 - How have GT stolen your happiness and success? def JK and then KB and also debt worries...they made me feel like shit. as if the most important, and nearly the only important thing in my life is fucked so life is, as result, fucked as well. they took away all my energy from everything else. no matter what i was doing, no matter how fun, i would quickly get slapped right back into that tense, unhappy moments....
p60 - We are given a choice every day in the way we respond to each other. When people sincerely apologize, show remorse, and attempt to make amends, we have the opportunity to show grace and forgive them. We may still hold them accountable and accept compensation, but we can forgive them.
- Appreciate being forgiven. Before you are able to forgive another person, a good first exercise is to appreciate an instance of when you yourself have been forgotten.
- Life is not a series of discreet events - it's fluid. How you conclude one interaction affects how you respond to the next. How you treat one person carries over to the next person, and that person will more often than not carry that energy to the people he or she encounters. When you forgive people their transgressions, you set in motion a wave of good feelings. When you punish them with your words and behavior, you set in motion a wave of ill feelings.
- The experience of forgiveness when it occurs is not just the notion of being relieved of a burden, but also a joyful eureka sense of having solved a problem. Suddenly, the fight-or-flight response of vengeance is replaced by the calming vision of green pastures and still waters of peace
HW p62 - Think of the people you may have judged too harshly in recent months for acting like garbage trucks. how did you turn their mistakes into major offenses. consider what role u played in the incident. In retrospect, write below how you could have offered real-time forgiveness to those people and let their actions pass by.
- labeling KB has a garbage truck is good in that i don't allow her negativity to bother me as much but in some ways, i am considering everything she does as negative or coersive with a hidden agenda....and this of course is prob how she sees me and all my actions...she has been sporatically helpful and i should not forget that. at times she has mainly been the messenger but i interpreted it as her negativity towards me....so instead of agreeing with what her message was (which easily could have been from the two-faced VP), i was a bitch about it and labeled her a garbage truck and i needed to fight back....in hindsight, at these times, i was more the irrational garbage truck than her.....during these times, i should have been a good listener, forgive that she has to be the one to tell me the info, take in the info and compromise with it to see what should be done with it....she didn't shove any garbage my way so why envision it as such....
p63 - The mature person...makes sure that his own conduct is correct and seeks nothing from others; thus he is never disappointed. He has no complaints against heaven and no blame toward other people. - Tzu-ssu
p65 - First and foremost, your positivity is energizing to those around you. It's a large measure of what makes you attractive. Also, it's contagious. When you share your own joy, it ignites joy in others, a process that can forge lasting social ties. The more you open up and share your heartfelt positivity with others, the stronger your connections to others become.
HW p68 - KB - when asking for what we doing for next lesson, i either ask what we will do which can be taken as I expect her to do all the work....or I can tell her my ideas which can be interpretted as "this is what we are doing" and i don't care what u think......better way is just to ask "what lesson are we teaching....then later when i have some ideas, i can say....can i ask your opinion on what you think is best to teach?...or something like that...
p69 - I think we have to own the fears that we have of each other, and then, in some practical way, some daily way, figure out how to see people differently than the way we were brought up to. - Alice Walker
HW p 73 - I have labeled all whites and party-goers as garbage trucks...I don't care to get to know them and i avoid them at all costs....there are a few that i got to know and saw they are just as cool as other ppl....like gordon and kelly and other ppl like that that party all the time but on a normal occasion they are really cool...same with jenn and joan....then on the other side is whites like harry, skinny guy from orientation, and robert (UK guy), and bf and gf from scotland in my building and even tall simon from incheon...all super nice ppl that i liked a lot...but somehow i still keep this huge wall up and labeling all whites as permanent garbage trucks...i still avoid them at all costs, even the ones i mentioned...and even though tsubasa is half white, i am ok with him for some reason.....getting to know 2 more of them to knock down the wall is not enough.....hmm...speaking on the topic...there are a few teachers who just have a look about them and mainly cause they KB's friends that i just try to avoid..i got to talk to the nurse a lil and she was actually very nice.....somehow i am actually usually wrong yet i still don't care.....the wall has been around for too long...
HW p82 - GT is KB
can i perceive the good in her?
- not really, i need to be constantly reminded of the good she did behind the scenes or in the past as her attitude when i see her now is so bad...but if i try hard, i can see nice stuff she does everyday, like today, she brought up the dvds for me and without attitude told me what lesson we are doing...and she is the accountant of 4th grade teachers and she took the money nicely without fuss about how she does so much work because it is extra work without real appreciation from us...i should be thankful for all the nice things she decided our room needs...very nice of her...
....how could i be a GT to her? well...i fight back...i gave her trouble with VP and principle, especially when i said she was lying in front of all of her superiors in the cafeteria, and when she was the messenger for me not wearing a helmet when riding my bike...and i didn't listen to instructions "she gave me" such as when we had to clean the room...if students left the room in the same way i allow them to, KB and JK could have gotten really screwed over as it seemed like they are being slackers and don't know how to supervise the kids....and even when they cleaning and i told them not to clean my desk, it was me being a pain when all i had to do was give in and be compromising...but instead i again was her garbage truck by resisting direct orders she gave the kids..it made her look weak....and of course, i am also the burden to her as she can and is totally capable of teaching classes on her own, but because of the stupid gov't she has to babysit an untrained, ungrateful teacher who was born with great english, nothing to do with effort whatsoever....i will come in for 1 year, have fun in korea, do whatever to get out of real work at school, then leave without a care at all while she has to stay to clean up the mess, deal with all the politics related to school, and get paid shit....
so i am possibly the garbage truck to KB as she is the GT to me....weird how it can be so reciprocal...so what would the ideal person do in this situation? how do i fit the ideal? how do i fall short?
- ideal person would not give any attitute
- he would exercise compassion and expect nothing
- he would not compare KB to other teachers or other ppl...everyone is unique and who are we to judge...
- I would show appreciate for all the good and allow the bad to slide right past me.
- I would not avoid her but in fact try to work with her...i would not be the avoider...i would not make things worse
- i would try to be the most agreeable, least troubling co-worker she ever had....
and how do i fall short?
- mainly i am stubborn....i see things from my side and have no compassion towards her side...
- she has friends, maybe even more than me..definitely more than me at this school...must be some strong reasons why she is so likeable...
- and she is stressed...she needs a man..needs money....family prob on her back like crazy....and her english is not good either so she also feel insecure in that area as well....instead of thinking about how she can help me, i need to think about how i could help her...thats how i am with all the ppl i like and instead of letting it be me trying to like her first before being nice, i should try being nice to her before liking her....
- two ways in which i could change to improve the situation is:
1) stay in the classroom when she teaches
2) when she suggests something, instead of rejecting or giving in fully...mention what i like about it and then make it seem like a compromise so she feels like a winner
3)show compassion + expect nothing from her or anyone else for that matter.....only think about if i am doing the correct conduct.
4) be alert of how I can be helpful...(instead of just a immature burden)
HW p86 - i did the avoiding of KB and still do it today just like how the manager did to the author. and i am ashamed by it....me and KB prob dread talking to each other as badly as we each feel...and it needs to change....if i can observe her and find breaks in which she is super nice to other people or her students, then i can find times when i can compliment more to let her know that i am on her side, not against her...i tried this before and it worked a little, but definitely not superb...but that just might be because i didn't do it enough...i should to notice that not just do i put in lots of effort sometimes and her little but on other days, like today, she put in way more effort than me but it all comes unrecognized...
HW p92 - score: 54
- surprised how high it was..i thought i did better than this...but i guess everything i say is rude are all garbage trucks i need to pass...biggest was how mannerisms bother the hell out of me...if i can allow that to pass, i will be much better off.....brian and angela's mannerisms are stuff i should have just let pass by...i need to start labeling garbage trucks more often so i can be aware of it and let it pass...and mainly i think i am my own garbage truck and rules of mannersisms
HW p97
