Peaks and Valleys

by Spencer Johnson

• How you feel depends largely on how you view your situation. The key is to separate what happens to you from how good and valuable you feel you are as a person. I found that you can feel good about yourself even when bad things are happening
• Peaks and Valleys are connected. The errors you make in today's good times create tomorrow's bad times. And the wise things you do in today's bad times create tomorrow's good times.
• For example, people who use a peaks and valleys approach during bad times make things better when they return to basics and concentrate on what matters most.
  
• No one can stay in one place forever. Even if you remain physically in one spot, you are always moving in and out of the places in your heart. The secret is to truly appreciate and enjoy each time for what it is while you are living it.
  
• Peaks are moments when you appreciate what you have. Valleys are moments when you long for what is missing.
  
• So if you want to avoid fewer valleys, avoid comparisons. If you enjoy what's good about the moment, you feel more like you are on the peak.
• You cannot always control external events. But you can control your personal peaks and valleys by what you believe and what you do.
• To change a valley into a peak, you need to change one of two things: what is happening, or how you feel about what is happening. If you can change the situation, that's great. If not, you can choose how you feel about it so that it can work in your advantage.
• The path out of the valley appears when you choose to see things differently
• You change your valley into a peak when you find and use the good that is hidden in the bad times.
• Between peaks there are always valleys. How you manage your valley determines how soon you reach your next peak
• While it is unhealthy to try to escape by blocking out reality, it can often be very healthy to just relax and rest and trust that things will get better. Because, after a good night's sleep or a few days' break, they often do.
• Your ego can make you arrogant on the peak and fearful in the valley. It keeps you from seeing what is real. Your ego distort the truth. When you are on a peak, your ego makes you see things as better than they really are. And when you are in a valley, your ego makes you see things as worse than they really are. It makes you think a peak will last forever, and it makes you fear a valley will never end.
  
• The most common reason you leave a peak too soon is arrogance, masquerading as confidence. The most common reason you stay in a valley too long is fear masquerading as comfort.
• I find the best way to get through a valley is by creating and following your own sensible vision. By sensible I mean a vision of a future peak you want to be on that makes good sense to you. Something as big as you can imagine that is also realistic and attainable if you want it enough. And sensible also means you can make what you imagine more real to you when you use all your five senses to create an image in such specific, believable detail that you begin to realize you can make it happen. Imagine how your future Peak will look, sound, smell, taste, and feel until it becomes so real to you that the image of getting there pulls you through your valley.
• A great way to get to your next peak is to follow your sensible vision. Imagine yourself enjoying your better future in such specific, believable detail that you soon enjoy doing what takes you there.
• The pain in the valley can wake you up to a truth you have been ignoring.
• Maybe you are always creating a vision of your future whether you are aware of it or not - either a fearful vision, or a sensible vision. And it's just a question of which vision you follow.
• My valley is fear
• Since your valleys are moments of longing for what is missing, did he fear that he would never gain or regain what was missing? He knew the bad times can continue, but if you move beyond your fear, you soon feel much better.
• Avoid believing things are better than they really are when you are on a peak, or worse than they really are when you are in a valley. Make reality your friend.
  
• A personal peak is a triumph over fear.
• He wondered about the difference between wishing for a better future and following a sensible vision. Then he realized that the difference is in the doing. Wishing leads to no action but when you truly follow a sensible vision, you want to do the things that make it happen. You don't force yourself, you just want to do so much that you find yourself doing things you never knew you were capable of.
  
• He was beginning to truly understand what the old man meant by truly following your vision. It meant staying true to what you want and doing what really takes you there - recognizing the truth! More and more, he was starting to realize that fear block you, but the truth helps you succeed
• You create a peak when you truly follow your sensible vision. Your fear fades and you become more peaceful and successful.
• I don't know if this is right but it seems to me that the purpose of the peak is to celebrate life, and the purpose of the valley is to learn about life.
  
• I remembered that a great way to get to my next peak is to create and follow my sensible vision - one that makes sense to me and is realistic and attainable if i want it enough. I used all five of my senses to imagine that I was already enjoying being on the higher peak. I imagine what I would see, touch, taste, smell, and hear. As I did, my fear faded and it gave me the energy and enthusiasm to go for it. Then I kept seeing and feeling my sensible vision until I came up with a way to get there.
• Now I'm hoping that I can experience my future peaks and valleys with more curiosity about the truth. I'll ask myself "what is the truth in this situation I am in?"
• To stay on a peak longer: Be humble and grateful. Do more of what got you there. Keep making things better. Do more for others. Save resources for your upcoming valleys.
• He decided he wanted to grow into a more loving and attractive person. He now believed that by becoming more loving himself - by replacing fear with love - he was more likely to be loved, and to attract a truly fulfilling relationship into his life.
  
• In the days that followed, the created another sensible vision. This time, he imagined himself becoming the person that a woman like her would want to be with. And perhaps more important, the kind of person he would like to be. He imagined his better self in every detail. He would become someone who didn't take himself too serously, someone who was fun to be with, yet someone who cared deeply about creating real excellence in his life and work. He would be a man who wanted to make a difference in the world - perhaps a small difference, but a significant one. And he would never take for granted the people closest to him. For a change, the young man did not talk about this to anyone. He just held this picture and feeling very clearly in his mind and hear. Then he did the things that made it happen - staring with small things. In time, he became more like the man he had imagine.
  
• You get out of a valley sooner when you manage to get outside of yourself: at work, by being of greater service, and in life, by being more loving.
• One of the most useful things he found was surprisingly simple: Whenever he got confused about how to get out of a valley, he remembered that peaks and valleys are opposites. So he looked at what he did that put him in the valley and then he did just the opposite - and he got the opposite results.
  
• The man realized that what counted was not where a person lived, but how a person lived.
  

Yes or No

"Yes or No": the guide to better choices

by Spencer Johnson

• One of the best and most useful books i've ever read!
• similar to OPA plan but slightly better as its more complete and can be done without writing everything out

Scan - p9, 12, 26, 37, 48, 71, 82


From Confusion to Clarity:

-Perhaps you do not always need to make the best decisions. For things to get better, we only need to make better decisions. Perhaps, like the rest of us, you will find that if you keep making better decisions, eventually you will do well.

-"If you stop a poor decision and create a void, you can fill it with something better."
The young man said, " but i'm afraid that if i give up what i have, i won't find anything better." "We are all afraid of that. It takes courage to let go of what is familiar and comfortable. But, in reality, it is actually a safer and more reliable way to get better results. When what is not working for you is finally out of your way, you are then free to find something better. And you usually do, rather quickly.
The ancient Chinese had an expression for this wisdom. "if you want a hot cup of tea, you must first empty the cup. Pouring hot tea into a cup full of cold tea means the hot tea cannot enter the cup but rather spill over the counter"


The Real Need:

• A want is a wish. A need is a necessity. A want is just an attractive distraction, which we may pursue but later find unfulfilling. Even if we finally get what we've wanted, it often leaves us still wanting. A need, however, is basic and nurturing. A need is what a situation requires. For example, we want jam but we need bread. The jam tastes good but doesn't nourish us.
• In life, we may want a fancy house but need a loving home. When we pursue what we want, we often miss getting what we really need. If you want to be effective, do first things first. First pursue your home, then your house. After you have done what you need to do, then you can do what you want-- but on then
• You focus by saying "no" to whatever doesn't help you achieve the real need and "yes" only to what does
• "How can u become this decisive?" Decisive people clearly know what the real need is, so they can quickly judge whether or not a specific decision will support or undermine what they need
• We want a lot, but we need little. When we focus the decision down to only what we need--that is, what makes us feel really successful--it becomes a much easier decision"
• To see what you really need, as "looking back on this, what would I like to have done?". In the supermarket for example, I asked "later on, what would i like to have eaten? (a something healthy or something fatty?)
• Question: "What was the real need for this decision? If I could do only one thing, what did it need to be?"

Informed Options:

-in our fear-frozen minds we sometimes think we have no other choice. That is seldom, if ever, true. It is merely a sign of our fear that has paralyzed us.

- Become aware of your options. Begin by asking questions and gathering needed information. "Needed" information is only what you actually need to know to make a better decision. Anything else is extraneous information. As you gather information, do not avoid what you do not want to hear or you will not become aware of all your real options. And you will remain in illusion. A good way to get all the needed information is by your own realistic observations (your own experiences).

-If you want to know more, notice more."Ask the most experienced people you know, those who have been down the road and back and look for a pattern of observation and information you can rely on. Talk with people you feel can guide you and listen.
But be careful. Do not accept someone else's view of reality. Validate the information yourself.

- there are two kinds of info. info that is nice t have and info that you need to have.
you may feel you never have all the info you want. but ask " do i have all the info i need?" Remember that the needed info is only that info without which you cannot make a better decision.

- " as i gather more information, i become more aware of my options"

-"how do i discover which is my best option?" - ask yourself "will this option best help me to meet the real need?"

- first step towards arriving to a better decision: "To stop. When I don't know how to say "yes" to a better decision, I can first say, "no" to a poor decision and stop doing what doesn't work. Even if i do not know a better way, I will most likely fill this void i've created with something better."

- so the problem is not that we have no options, but that we are not aware of the options we have. We just don't see them yet.

Thinking it Through:

- To make a better decision, I ask, "Then what would probably happen? Then what? Then what?" Until I think my decision through to a better result

- When we don't think out decisions through, it may be because we assume it is a short-term decision-- but often it is not. Our lives are shaped by decisions which we do not think are all that important at the time. The results of one decision can affect the next decision--more than we realize--and we need to respect this."

- after you think about your decision and ask yourself, "have i really thought it through?", you may want to sleep on it. Then you may want to review it again tomorrow morning.

The Other Half:

- As you come to discover the extraordinary power of the simple, beware of the simplistic. Simplistic is less than what is needed. A simplistic answer is an illusion. But simple is all that is needed and nothing more. That is why the better answers, the ones that more easily get better results, are invariably simple. Sometimes they are the most difficult ones to see.
But once you discover the simple answer, it becomes the obvious answer. Making a better decision often depends on seeing, at the time, what becomes obvious to you later."

- our ineffective decisions are based on illusions we believe at the time. Our effective decisions are built on realities we recognize. That is why it is useful to ask ourselves probing questions to help us distinguish illusion from reality

- you make your decisions based on your character---what what is in your heart--whether you realize it or not. You need to cross back and forth across the bridge between the two halves of yourself--the thinking half in your head, and the feeling half in your heart--if you want to consistently make better decisions.
the bridge is just your awareness that you need to connect these to halves of yourself

- our character is our collection of personal beliefs and how we act on them. How we make our decisions depends mostly on what we believe. Our beliefs are often forgotten choices we made long ago. But they are still influential, though our subconscious, upon our decisions.

- your practical decisions are mirrors of your personal thoughts, feelings, and beliefs on display for everyone to see. They clearly reveal the way you view the world and yourself. you can see another person's beliefs just by looking at enough of his or her decisions.

- The private question concerns your personal beliefs about: your integrity, your intuition, and your insight into your own worth.

- So as the practical question wakes me up to my situation, the private question wakes me up to my character. When you knowingly apply your character to your situation, you make a better decision.

- like most wisdom, what we are discovering is really not new. It was discovered by other thousands of years ago. It is not even always new to us. We just forget to use what we have known works.

- more often than not, a person with character will make better decisions, especially a person with integrity, intuition, and insight
Integrity, because people who have integrity won't fool themselves about a situation. They will cut through the nonsense and get to the true core of things quickly.
Intuition, because people who have learned to trust their intuition won't look to others to make their tough decisions. They can depend on themselves and the CEO, in turn, can depend on them
Insight, because if people are unaware that they can unknowingly sabotage their own results, my company will eventually pay the price for it.

My Integrity:

- I have been where you are. I became angry when someone tried to tell me the truth and I didn't want to hear it. Especially if it was from my parents
I felt threatened and would strike out at them. I've learned now that my anger just shows my fear
I didn't know that integrity, telling myself the truth, was really nurturing for me. I thought it was something we are supposed to do
And we don't want to do what we are supposed to do. We do what we want to do.

- Then I started to look at what I secretly wanted to do, and I asked myself, "Would i like to have my friends and family read about this in the newspaper?"

- I find the quickest way for me to find the truth is to look for the fiction I believe--the untruth I want to believe is truth--because it is more convenient or more comfortable for me to believe it.
The fiction is sometimes more glaring and thus easier for me to see than the truth. Once I see the fiction, I look for the opposite and find the truth.

My Intuition:

- To use your intuition, it is important to look at how you feel as you are making the decision.
if you make it feeling a lot of effort, you are probably trying to force things to happen. If so, it will probably turn out poorly for you.
If, however, you are asking yourself probing questions and you really feel peaceful, you may be making a decision based on a truth which you have recognized and, if so, your results will be far better."

-All fear is of the future. We are not afraid of being on a narrow cliff, but of falling off the cliff--sometimes in the immediate future.
Reflect on the fearful decisions you made in your life. Look at those you made based on fear--on insecurity, anxiety, anger, resentment, and worry. All these emotions are various masks of fear."

-The good new is we can avoid mistakes if we take the time to ask ourselves, what would i do if i were not afraid? and then do whatever that is.

- I ask myself "Am i making my decision with fear or enthusiasm?"

- We think with our minds and feel with our bodies. Our minds can become confused, but our bodies speak to us in a simple binary code: either "yes" things feel right to us or "no" they do not. If you have already used your head by asking yourself the practical question and your answer still "maybe" then its time to feel, not just think

My Insight:

- the key to consistently making better decisions is to consciously choose to believe you really deserve better and to act on that belief.
you might want to think more about it--or better yet see if you can feel the truth of it.

- what do i really believe i deserve? He was reluctant to see the truth because he didn't always like it. But he continued to look at it. He wondered if he hasn't illogically but unknowingly limited himself and his results.

- before I make a decision, do i usually ask myself valuable questions? Do i focus on the real need instead of what i want? Do i get the needed information and inform myself of my options? Do i think my decisions through to better results?
Or do i not really believe that i deserve better and therefore sabotage by not telling myself the truth? Or by not trusting my own intuition? Or by believing I do not have the ability to do better, or enough education, or the right social connections?

- We never let ourselves have any more than we really believe we deserve
Are you slowing yourself down by believing you deserve to merely survive rather than prosper?

- What can i do if i realize i do not really believe i deserve better?
Ask yourself" If i believed I deserved better results, what would i do?
You do not need to wait until you really believe it in your hear. You just need to do now whatever you would do if you did believe you deserved better
When your actions are better, things get better.
Remember, decisions are only effective when you act on them, and when you act on them in time.

The Paradox of Choice

by Barry Schwartz

• Boring read...stuff i read about in other books...
• much rather read "Yes or No" or listen to Tony Robbins
• didn't learn much new
• read the 1st 1/2 then the last chapter and skimmed through to write these notes below