by Spencer Johnson
- One of the best and most useful books i've ever read!
- similar to OPA plan but slightly better as its more complete and can be done without writing everything out
From Confusion to Clarity:
-Perhaps you do not always need to make the best decisions. For things to get better, we only need to make better decisions. Perhaps, like the rest of us, you will find that if you keep making better decisions, eventually you will do well.
-"If you stop a poor decision and create a void, you can fill it with something better."
The young man said, " but i'm afraid that if i give up what i have, i won't find anything better." "We are all afraid of that. It takes courage to let go of what is familiar and comfortable. But, in reality, it is actually a safer and more reliable way to get better results. When what is not working for you is finally out of your way, you are then free to find something better. And you usually do, rather quickly.
The ancient Chinese had an expression for this wisdom. "if you want a hot cup of tea, you must first empty the cup. Pouring hot tea into a cup full of cold tea means the hot tea cannot enter the cup but rather spill over the counter"
The Real Need:
- A want is a wish. A need is a necessity. A want is just an attractive distraction, which we may pursue but later find unfulfilling. Even if we finally get what we've wanted, it often leaves us still wanting. A need, however, is basic and nurturing. A need is what a situation requires. For example, we want jam but we need bread. The jam tastes good but doesn't nourish us.
- In life, we may want a fancy house but need a loving home. When we pursue what we want, we often miss getting what we really need. If you want to be effective, do first things first. First pursue your home, then your house. After you have done what you need to do, then you can do what you want-- but on then
- You focus by saying "no" to whatever doesn't help you achieve the real need and "yes" only to what does
- "How can u become this decisive?" Decisive people clearly know what the real need is, so they can quickly judge whether or not a specific decision will support or undermine what they need
- We want a lot, but we need little. When we focus the decision down to only what we need--that is, what makes us feel really successful--it becomes a much easier decision"
- To see what you really need, as "looking back on this, what would I like to have done?". In the supermarket for example, I asked "later on, what would i like to have eaten? (a something healthy or something fatty?)
- Question: "What was the real need for this decision? If I could do only one thing, what did it need to be?"
-in our fear-frozen minds we sometimes think we have no other choice. That is seldom, if ever, true. It is merely a sign of our fear that has paralyzed us.
- Become aware of your options. Begin by asking questions and gathering needed information. "Needed" information is only what you actually need to know to make a better decision. Anything else is extraneous information. As you gather information, do not avoid what you do not want to hear or you will not become aware of all your real options. And you will remain in illusion. A good way to get all the needed information is by your own realistic observations (your own experiences).
-If you want to know more, notice more."Ask the most experienced people you know, those who have been down the road and back and look for a pattern of observation and information you can rely on. Talk with people you feel can guide you and listen.
But be careful. Do not accept someone else's view of reality. Validate the information yourself.
- there are two kinds of info. info that is nice t have and info that you need to have.
you may feel you never have all the info you want. but ask " do i have all the info i need?" Remember that the needed info is only that info without which you cannot make a better decision.
- " as i gather more information, i become more aware of my options"
-"how do i discover which is my best option?" - ask yourself "will this option best help me to meet the real need?"
- first step towards arriving to a better decision: "To stop. When I don't know how to say "yes" to a better decision, I can first say, "no" to a poor decision and stop doing what doesn't work. Even if i do not know a better way, I will most likely fill this void i've created with something better."
- so the problem is not that we have no options, but that we are not aware of the options we have. We just don't see them yet.
Thinking it Through:
- To make a better decision, I ask, "Then what would probably happen? Then what? Then what?" Until I think my decision through to a better result
- When we don't think out decisions through, it may be because we assume it is a short-term decision-- but often it is not. Our lives are shaped by decisions which we do not think are all that important at the time. The results of one decision can affect the next decision--more than we realize--and we need to respect this."
- after you think about your decision and ask yourself, "have i really thought it through?", you may want to sleep on it. Then you may want to review it again tomorrow morning.
The Other Half:
- As you come to discover the extraordinary power of the simple, beware of the simplistic. Simplistic is less than what is needed. A simplistic answer is an illusion. But simple is all that is needed and nothing more. That is why the better answers, the ones that more easily get better results, are invariably simple. Sometimes they are the most difficult ones to see.
But once you discover the simple answer, it becomes the obvious answer. Making a better decision often depends on seeing, at the time, what becomes obvious to you later."
- our ineffective decisions are based on illusions we believe at the time. Our effective decisions are built on realities we recognize. That is why it is useful to ask ourselves probing questions to help us distinguish illusion from reality
- you make your decisions based on your character---what what is in your heart--whether you realize it or not. You need to cross back and forth across the bridge between the two halves of yourself--the thinking half in your head, and the feeling half in your heart--if you want to consistently make better decisions.
the bridge is just your awareness that you need to connect these to halves of yourself
- our character is our collection of personal beliefs and how we act on them. How we make our decisions depends mostly on what we believe. Our beliefs are often forgotten choices we made long ago. But they are still influential, though our subconscious, upon our decisions.
- your practical decisions are mirrors of your personal thoughts, feelings, and beliefs on display for everyone to see. They clearly reveal the way you view the world and yourself. you can see another person's beliefs just by looking at enough of his or her decisions.
- The private question concerns your personal beliefs about: your integrity, your intuition, and your insight into your own worth.
- So as the practical question wakes me up to my situation, the private question wakes me up to my character. When you knowingly apply your character to your situation, you make a better decision.
- like most wisdom, what we are discovering is really not new. It was discovered by other thousands of years ago. It is not even always new to us. We just forget to use what we have known works.
- more often than not, a person with character will make better decisions, especially a person with integrity, intuition, and insight
Integrity, because people who have integrity won't fool themselves about a situation. They will cut through the nonsense and get to the true core of things quickly.
Intuition, because people who have learned to trust their intuition won't look to others to make their tough decisions. They can depend on themselves and the CEO, in turn, can depend on them
Insight, because if people are unaware that they can unknowingly sabotage their own results, my company will eventually pay the price for it.
My Integrity:
- I have been where you are. I became angry when someone tried to tell me the truth and I didn't want to hear it. Especially if it was from my parents
I felt threatened and would strike out at them. I've learned now that my anger just shows my fear
I didn't know that integrity, telling myself the truth, was really nurturing for me. I thought it was something we are supposed to do
And we don't want to do what we are supposed to do. We do what we want to do.
- Then I started to look at what I secretly wanted to do, and I asked myself, "Would i like to have my friends and family read about this in the newspaper?"
- I find the quickest way for me to find the truth is to look for the fiction I believe--the untruth I want to believe is truth--because it is more convenient or more comfortable for me to believe it.
The fiction is sometimes more glaring and thus easier for me to see than the truth. Once I see the fiction, I look for the opposite and find the truth.
My Intuition:
- To use your intuition, it is important to look at how you feel as you are making the decision.
if you make it feeling a lot of effort, you are probably trying to force things to happen. If so, it will probably turn out poorly for you.
If, however, you are asking yourself probing questions and you really feel peaceful, you may be making a decision based on a truth which you have recognized and, if so, your results will be far better."
-All fear is of the future. We are not afraid of being on a narrow cliff, but of falling off the cliff--sometimes in the immediate future.
Reflect on the fearful decisions you made in your life. Look at those you made based on fear--on insecurity, anxiety, anger, resentment, and worry. All these emotions are various masks of fear."
-The good new is we can avoid mistakes if we take the time to ask ourselves, what would i do if i were not afraid? and then do whatever that is.
- I ask myself "Am i making my decision with fear or enthusiasm?"
- We think with our minds and feel with our bodies. Our minds can become confused, but our bodies speak to us in a simple binary code: either "yes" things feel right to us or "no" they do not. If you have already used your head by asking yourself the practical question and your answer still "maybe" then its time to feel, not just think
My Insight:
- the key to consistently making better decisions is to consciously choose to believe you really deserve better and to act on that belief.
you might want to think more about it--or better yet see if you can feel the truth of it.
- what do i really believe i deserve? He was reluctant to see the truth because he didn't always like it. But he continued to look at it. He wondered if he hasn't illogically but unknowingly limited himself and his results.
- before I make a decision, do i usually ask myself valuable questions? Do i focus on the real need instead of what i want? Do i get the needed information and inform myself of my options? Do i think my decisions through to better results?
Or do i not really believe that i deserve better and therefore sabotage by not telling myself the truth? Or by not trusting my own intuition? Or by believing I do not have the ability to do better, or enough education, or the right social connections?
- We never let ourselves have any more than we really believe we deserve
Are you slowing yourself down by believing you deserve to merely survive rather than prosper?
- What can i do if i realize i do not really believe i deserve better?
Ask yourself" If i believed I deserved better results, what would i do?
You do not need to wait until you really believe it in your hear. You just need to do now whatever you would do if you did believe you deserved better
When your actions are better, things get better.
Remember, decisions are only effective when you act on them, and when you act on them in time.
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